you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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