I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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