she looked like the before picture.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think my moral compass just broke
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