You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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