suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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