you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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