I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize