i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
