Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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