I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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