working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
