i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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