There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
