I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
