Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
