He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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