If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
