note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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