I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
