He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we're so committed to being not committed
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