If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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