Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
