i wish my penis had a tongue
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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