lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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