Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
