the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
