You're so nebulous sometimes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
