My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When are your genitals available?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
