i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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