i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
