hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
