I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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