I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
