im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
where am i from again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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