Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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