I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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