I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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