I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You dont lie about slip and slides
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
