I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
