Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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