called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
