Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
