Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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