I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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