I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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