I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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