Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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