At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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