is your mom at the bar?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
