at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
