i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
