I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We got so high we made milksteak
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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