Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
