it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
