It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
