He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
