Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
