Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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