david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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