He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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