if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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