I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
