i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
