I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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