My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
