fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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