I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
