So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
