checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
