I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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