why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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