beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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